time to play...FIND YOUR FRIEND'S SISTER!!!

can you find the person in question?

can you feel emotions like these people?

have you ever seen so much dramatic hair in one room?

does it kind of look like a backstage party for some shitty band that is half "my chemical romance" and half "whitesnake"?

if so, do you think their hit single is "here i go, killing the hopeless darkness that engulfs my dark soul, again on my own"?

did rich crenshaw take this photo of his own computer screen because he couldn't find a way to download it from a myspace message that was sent to his account about 8 months ago and he never saw it until tonight because rich doesn't approve of myspace but thought "hey, l"m bored, maybe i should check my myspace page because it might be a gas to see if anyone bothered to send me something"?

is rich crenshaw psychic because he was right?

do you give up?

do you want a hint?

could her name rhyme with the phrase "smelly talker"?

please send any and all correct answers to "asnakenamedjwood@gmail.com.

yar matey!!!

fuck ballers. we snakes, we dont ball, we plunder rape and pilage. our new coffee table was aquisitioned from the commander of the spanish fleet. we made him watch us drink coffee and place interesting reading material upon its glass surface right before we slay him. you have no idea how much windex it takes to clean spanish captain blood off of glass. to celebrate we smoked hash out of his skull. snakes smoke fools.

soul stealer

the less fortunate people who are indigenouse to the outback of australia (i know what their real name is but i can't spell it in anyway that can be read by another human. therefore, they will be refered to as "a-people".) believe that when someone takes your photograph, they also steal your soul. the lady pictured above is currently filling the ms. crenshaw position at the moment. unfortunately i didn't know she was an 'a-person' until i tried to take this photo. it is pretty clear that its totally against her will, and moreover will probably not like the fact that i am showing her now removed soul on the internet.perhaps the a-people will kick her out of the tribe. will she attack me with a boomerang? does she have a diggery-doo that i can borrow? how did she learn english? why do a-people look so similar to mexican people? is ther a connection between spain, mexico, AND australia? i wonder what they eat? these questions i know not the answer to, but i do know that these a-people are both tiny and adorable.

tonight we ride. tonight we roll. tonight we drink. tonight we smoke. tonight we cuss. tonight we piss. tonight we burp. tonight we shake hands. tonight we laugh. tonight we tell people to fuck off. tonight we feel bored for a moment. tonight we meet friends. tonight we meet idiots. tonight we skateboard. tonight we eat bad food. tonight we use our phones. tonight we wish our good friends who moved away could be here with us...

pretty much an average night that we supercharged with a little extra awesome sauce.*
















*EDITORS NOTE: this is NOT poetry. rich crenshaw doesn't participate in that faggoty shit. i'm a man goddam it. us men don't even have emotions other than "hey dude, i'm kinda hungry" or "that chick looks totally hot bro" or "yo dane, i feel like listening to some reggae bra. you should go grab the big bubbler and some of that proper sticky cali green so we can totally bake. cool bro? a'ight. i'll get the chips and guac, broseph, and you grab the bubble-icious, but dude you know i always get greens at my fucking crib bro. don't even try to front dawg, cause i don't play that shit homie. hey dude come 'ere and check this shit. there's these fucking dudes with, like, motorcycles or some shit around there waist. its pretty sick bro,but, like, isn't holloween, like, in four days? that's fucking trippy dude." these are the only acceptable forms of male emotional communication as far as i am concerned. i didn't make the rules up, i only enforce them as a messenger for the greater good of the cosmos.

i hate poo holes

two run shot huh? da dads lost game one and thats not cool at all. who names thier family after the body part that secretes shit (and dont give me all that foriegn language garbage). rich crenshaw is not happy.

where have all the cowboys gone?

fuck if i know. i don't understand why its incumbant upon me to ffind all the cowboys. ive only met a few cowboys and by my estimation they're really not all that great. horses are a poor form of transportation thesse days unless you find yourself in the middle of a very violent riot. personally i hate horses becouse i believe that they are up to something. just looking into thier eyes i see them scheming and plotting the downfall of mankind. why you may ask? because the automobile replaced them. pure jealousy. what proof do you have of thier evil intentions? FACT: horses are responsible for the most human finger losses a year eever since someone began to keep track of the amount of fingers lost by humans and the cause of the fingers being loss. as far as this man is concerned that is just the tip of the iceburg. you be the judge. i believe our only defense against these sinister creatures is the greatest weapon known to man... ninjas.













ive already begun training with a few of my fellow snakes and have written numerous e-mails to chuck norris, the three ninjas, steven segal, chow young phat, shadowstorm, and snake eyes. no effort however was made to contact jean claude van damme..... that dude is crap.


future generations will carry on our mighty cause.

Teach a Man to Fish...

...and he'll want to borrow your boat. that shit sucks. teach a man to fish in a backyard in the cuts of vista whilst consuming cans and cans of take this job and shove it...fucking awsome. traditional fisherman or anglers as they want to be called at time are severely blowing it. if you ever see one in the wild, tell them that rich crenshaw said to suck it.